I went home today. I had a coworker loose her dad and wanted to pay my respects. Her father was buried in the same cemetery as my daughter and grandparents, so I took flowers. I don't make it home often so I took the oportunity to change out the winter flowers to something more spring worthy. It was a beautiful service with a wonderful message. Few years for the man was deeply religious as is the rest of the family. They have faith that he was and is now with their Lord.
I gave Huggs and we'll wishes then walked the distance to where my family rests.
My visits with my daughters memory are private for many reasons. Beside the fact that others are uncomfortable with my tears, I am often cussing God. Those moments are raw, angry, and gut wrenching. Not something I am proud of. Not something I want my family, friends, or an aquaintance of any kind to whitnes. I talk to the angels as if they were warriors that try to protect those near from the actions of a God that has fooled the pore misguided followers into believing him to be a fair and giving God. He is giving alright. He gives people sickness so that they pray more to him. He gives people heartache so that they worship him harder. He doles out sadness, strife and illness so that when he does choose to lift the negative, fools are even more thankful and praise him more for his genorisoty. It is as if the majority of the world suffers from Stockholm syndrome.
I find the faith that I witnessed today interest. I wonder why we lock away people that cause harm and never trust them again, but if you attach the title God to it, all the rules change. Well, I can't do that. If a person had done to me half of what God has put me through, I wold have walked away and never trusted them or talked to them again. Don't get me wrong I am a believer, I just resent His actions as a leader and will never trust his choices or judgements.
So instead I vent to angels.
