Finding Amber

Amber in the sun!

This evening the thought popped into my head that I needed to clean during my vacation this week. I looked around this evening assessing what all I could get done by Thanksgiving.  I couldn't help but notice the bag of  i.v. fluid hanging off the bedpost.  Upon further inspection, I notice other items:  there is .033 cc of Buprin waiting for the next bad night,  small bag of  iv needles that we never used, 2 prescription bottles with her name on them sit in the medicine cabinet, the heating pad rests at the foot of bed where she liked to sleep, and a sundry of other small items I am sure I have been ignoring to avoid reality.   None of it has been touched.  It just kinda waits.  A silent reminder that she really was here, that she was a part of my life and a large part of it at that.

It has been a month and a half since my Girly Goose Amber Eyes passed over that rainbow bridge.  It is strange, on occasion I swear I feel her jump up on the bed, or I will wake up having the sensation that I have accidentally kicked her in my sleep.  Her urn is still on my bed side table, so I know that she is gone.  I even sifted through the ashes to find the bb pellets that were left from her previous adventures.  I had a fear that I had gotten someone else's pet and went on a mission, It took me a while to find the 12 year old shrapnel, but I did.  Just more evidence that she is gone.  (Don't worry I just shifted the ashes around in the bag,  I didn't actually touch them.)

Archie is lonely.  He cries at me for hours when I come home at night.  I feel guilty that he is left alone all day.  I feel sad that he is sad.  Part of me wants to get him a buddy.  Another part of me is not ready yet.